


The Children's March

by pinkstarpirate



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 15:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkstarpirate/pseuds/pinkstarpirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk Strider is ranked first in Children’s March--a zombie killing competition between high school students.  Unfortunately, his partner Jake is in the hospital, and Dirk is in need of a replacement. Dave suggests a certain cranky troll might be a good fit for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Children's March

**Author's Note:**

> This was my second round entry for the HSWC competition. The round was for the genre mash-up (the official genres I used were: Dystopian High School Sports Zombie Hunter Romance). I kind of eventually want to rework it into a longer, chaptered fic. But for now I'm going to post it and let you nice people enjoy it. Thanks for reading.

It is a very important year for SBurb. This is the year their compound will host the centennial celebration of the Children’s March.  Every school in Sburb has put forth its very best competitors in hopes that they will be the ones who receive the top rank.  Unlike many of his competitors, Dirk Strider is aware that this is all a load of hyped propaganda.  Dirk doesn’t compete for the glory of Sburb, or for his school, he competes for himself.

Dirk likes building contraptions to help wage war with the undead.  He is creative and mechanically gifted, but Dirk stays above the government's brainwashing tactics.  He in control of his own faculties and never buys into the government’s message.  He fights to win and prove himself.  And above all, Dirk Strider has no problem walking away if it ever comes to that.

Dirk’s former partner is a young man who goes by the name of Jake English.  Though Jake isn’t good with the engineering side of things, he is enthusiastic and capable of taking down any zombie in a direct confrontation. Jake and Dirk had been friends for ages, and even survived a relationship together.  Dirk admits he didn't come out of that completely unscathed, but he still has his friend, and that is what matters to him.

Dirk and Jake’s team topped the leader’s board rankings for the last month and a half.  That is, until Jake took a tumble and nearly brained himself on a rock.  Okay, nearly isn’t accurate.  Jake did brain himself on the rock; he just managed to live through the ordeal.

Jake is currently recovering in one of the government run hospitals.  However, just because Jake is injured and out for now, doesn’t mean the Children’s March stops.  No, it is still going strong, and Dirk is desperate for a new partner.

Taking a risk, he asks his brother Dave what he should do.  Dave, a year younger than him, is trailing him in the ranks by only a few hundred points with his partner John Egbert.  That small of a margin could easily be gained in a single weekend competition.

“Tch, like I know what you should do,” Dave says as he sprawls on their apartment sofa.  Dave is wearing the soundphones Dirk invented, and is enjoying some rare electronically recorded music.

“I can take those back you know,” Dirk warns.  Dirk isn’t going to let Dave ignore him

“Ah man, you can be such a nooksniffer,” Dave groans as he takes the soundphones off.

“Nook…sniffer?” Dirk asks.  Isn’t that

troll slang?  Why is Dave using troll slang?

“Yeah, or do you prefer bulgelicker?”

“I prefer you not being a dick,” Dirk replies, his voice flat and stern.

Dirk isn’t usually the kind of person to need help, but he has socially isolated himself from the other Children’s March candidates.  His friends Roxy and Jane chose to take the civilian route at school, not wanting to be associated with the Condesce, otherwise Dirk would go to them.  Unfortunately, Civies and March participants cannot interact during active games, so Dirk is stuck.

“Okay, okay,” Dave says.  He thinks for a moment.  “I guess I have a guy.”

Dirk’s face remains its normal impassive expression, save for a single eyebrow that quirks upward.

“You have a guy?” Dirk asks.

“Yeah,” Dave says with a smirk.  “He’s a troll friend in my class at school.  His hive-group has kind of been decimated by the games.  Most of them are dead or on their way to dead, but Karkat’s still kicking.”

It is rare for humans to partner with trolls.  Trolls are a violent and vindictive breed, and Dirk doesn’t have much interest in befriending or partnering with a troll.  Though, honestly, Dirk doesn’t desire to befriend or partner with humans either.

“So is this the guy you are getting your shitty slang from?” Dirk asks and crosses his arms.

“Yeah, we’ve been hanging out a lot lately.  Also, Karkat is fond of John, or at least as fond of humans as a troll can get.  He’s a decent dude, you should hit him up.”

Dirk scoffs, “You make it sound like I’m looking for a date.”

Dave waggles his eyebrows at Dirk and smirks at his older brother, “Well, that could work too I s’pose.  Karkat does have this weird obsession with old world romance...”

Dirk just cuts Dave off right there.  No need for Dave to prattle on about stupid shit.  Dirk just needs a March partner.  All that other stuff doesn’t matter.

xxxxxxxx

Dave sets up a meeting between the Karkat and Dirk.  Dirk is supposed to meet Karkat at the school library hub.  The hub is located just inside the walled barrier which separates SBurb from the outlands.  The outlands are where most of the zombie packs roam.  If not for the barrier, their society might be doomed to the terror and hysteria of their ancestors.

Dirk wants to make a good first impression and dresses thoughtfully for the meeting. He thoroughly researched Karkat.  To be honest, the young troll is decently skilled.  Dave was right about Karkat, according to the stats and limited film footage available from their school, Karkat is a good fighter and tactician.  Dirk sees the potential in having Karkat as a partner, and this is why Dirk chooses to meet Karkat in his full fighting get-up.  Dirk wears his March fatigues and has his gadget reel secured to his belt.  There is also his custom sheath strapped to his back which carries his favorite katana.   His thigh holsters hold not guns, but more gadget packs.  Dirk is a mechanical marvel.  He looks as distinguished as the number one ranked March competitor should.

Dirk shows up early and waits by one of the library’s registers.  Soon enough, a short troll comes strolling in.  He too is wearing formal March fatigues in the same school colors as Dirk’s.  Dirk almost laughs when he notices two sickles strapped across Karkat’s back, but Dirk can see Karkat also has several long range gadgets, as well as a sword which looks somewhat familiar.  Dirk almost chokes, because it is one of Dave’s swords.

“Hey, chucklefuck, why don’t you take a fucking photo, it lasts longer,” Karkat practically barks as he approaches Dirk.

Typical troll.  In fact, Karkat might be more rude than most trolls.  Dirk isn’t sure what to do when Karkat puts a hand out in front of him in greeting.  Is this troll seriously trying to shake hands?  Shaking hands is a human greeting custom, and no troll would be caught dead doing it.

Dirk decides to test Karkat’s sincerity and puts his own hand out.  Karkat grips it  firmly, but not painfully tight and says, “Dave was right, you are definitely something.  How much fucking gear do you have strapped to you?”

“Enough,” Dirk responds curtly.

“We’ll see about that.  Want to hit the library training ground and go a round or two?”  Karkat asks as he undoes one of the sickles and grips it in his hand.

A rustblood troll librarian balks at this.  She shakes her hand at Karkat.  “Young one, you know all weapons must be sheathed in this portion of the library.  Put that away this instant.”

Karkat purposely ignores the woman and stalks straight for the March competitor training grounds located in the center of the library.  Dirk follows quickly on the troll’s heels.

xxxxxxx

“He’ll do,” Dirk tells Dave when he returns to his apartment later that evening.  Dirk doesn’t return alone either.  Karkat comes home with him.

“Please tell me you have the film reel ready?” Karkat begs Dave as he plops on the couch.

Dave and Karkat are going to watch a film.  Dave invites Dirk, but Dirk isn’t all that into old pre-apocalypse movies.  There are so few that survived, and even now the tech which lets them reproduce and play them is sketchy.  Dirk decides that after this year’s Children’s March he will tackle recreating a better working tech for those recovered films.

Dirk goes into their small kitchen and starts preparing a meal for himself.  He asks Dave if he wants any, and then also asks Karkat.  Karkat is already so engrossed in the film that he makes a shushing motion toward Dirk.  Dave just yells out, “Make Karkat some food too.”

Dirk does and brings out three bowls of soup.  Dirk silently hands over the bowls and two spoons to Dave and Karkat.  Dirk sits on the sofa, because it is one of the few pieces of furniture they have, and happens to be his favorite spot to eat.  Karkat and Dave don’t have any problems making room for him.

Karkat greedily slurps his soup, but he never takes his eyes off the film projection.  Dirk almost laughs, because he realizes his brother and Karkat are watching some ancient chick flick.  Who in their right mind watches chick flicks?

Apparently, Karkat does.  Dave looks like he is more interested in his soup than what is being projected onto the wall.  Karkat, however, is completely engrossed in this tale of silly love between two humans.

This guy has got to be the weirdest troll I have ever met, Dirk thinks to himself.

Troll romance is complicated.  Dave thinks it is the stupidest thing in the world, but Dirk finds it slightly fascinating.  Since Dirk is familiar with how troll romance works, he also doesn’t understand how Karkat can be sitting here enjoying a human romcom.   Trolls usually berate human romance as being unsophisticated and simplistic.

When the film is over, Karkat gives a small, happy sigh before catching himself.  Dirk spent the entirety of the film observing his new partner candidate, and didn’t pay much attention to the film itself.  Karkat's expression settles back into his normal scowl, but there isn't any anger behind it, it just seems to be the troll's default mode.  

“I didn’t think trolls liked human films,” Dirk mentions as he stands and takes the bowls into the kitchen.

Karkat follows him, his shoulders are slumped and he has his hands are shoved in his pockets.

“Well, I’d prefer troll films to human films obviously, but I can’t exactly be picky.  None of the good romances have been transferred to hive projector reels yet.  You can only see them in the film theatre.  The hive tech is just too new and transfers are too expensive.”

Yeah, actually Dave and Dirk are fairly privileged when it comes to new tech, and this is thanks to Dirk creating much of it.

“Any particular movie you are looking for?  I might be able to get my hands on it,” Dirk tells Karkat.

Karkat can’t hide the shimmer of hope in his expression as Dirk offers to get him a troll romcom.  “Holy fuck, if you can get your hands on Troll Fifty First Dates I will definitely partner with you for the upcoming March competition.”

“It’s a deal,” Dirk says and heads toward his small sleeping quarters.  It is all that needs to be said.

xxxxxxx

Three weeks pass. There have been four separate undead extermination competitions during that time.  Dirk finds Karkat to be a suitable partner, and even considers switching over to Karkat full time.  Dirk loves Jake as a March partner, but with Karkat he doesn’t have to worry about random, unplanned fights with the undead just because Jake got an itch to kick some zombie butt.  Karkat usually agrees with Dirk’s tactical decisions, and then miraculously sticks with their plans.  If Karkat doesn’t agree, he usually has something valid to add or change.

Today they are hunting a large horde of zombies.  Karkat sits on Dirk’s homemade tree perch and watches the faraway horde through his binoculars.  “You know, you usually have to damage the brain or sever the brainstem.  I’m not sure this maiming thing is a good idea.  Are you sure this explosive trap will fucking work?  ”

Did Karkat seriously just tell him the most basic rule of killing zombies?  Dirk is ranked first, so of course he understands he needs to damage the brain or sever the brainstem. Dirk just glares at Karkat through his shades.  

Karkat glares right back.  “Well, will it?”

Dirk doesn’t answer, he hits the dynamite’s trigger button and waits for the dust cloud to settle.

This particular horde is mostly undead sea dwellers.  Almost all zombies these days are highblood trolls, unless they are newly-made.  The long lifespan of highbloods also meant long-lived (or perhaps one should say long-dead) zombies.

As long as the explosion doesn’t attract another horde, the plan is to maim the undead trolls with the explosion so Karkat and Dirk can go down and take their time making these sea dwellers members of the permanently deceased.  Dirk and Karkat are both good with hand-to hand combat.  They are also both wearing heavy, steel-enforced bite-proof gear today, which should make it possible to use those hand-to-hand skills with little risk of infection.

The dust settles slowly.  Dirk finds himself getting anxious to get down there and finish this job.  Dave and John were trailing the leader board a little too closely for his liking, and killing this horde will definitely put Karkat and Dirk squarely in first place.

Karkat uses his binoculars to scan for additional approaching zombies.  The only sound is the low pitched moan coming from the pile of bodies on the open prairie below.  If another horde manage to hear and start to move in, Karkat and Dirk will hear the response moans in the distance.

“Okay,” Karkat says begrudgingly, “Let’s fucking do this.”

Karkat hops down from their temporary tree platform.  Dirk follows his partner and both of them draw their handheld weapons.  The pile of bodies is writhing, and the zombie moaning is almost deafening as they approach.  

The only thing worse that how the undead look or sound, is how they smell.  Karkat makes a gagging sound and it grabs the attention of the broken remains of the sea dweller undead.  Despite their decomposing bodies being shattered into pieces, they find ways to crawl toward the hope of fresh prey.

Systematically the two of them start dispatching the zombies one by one.  They are careful and work around the circle of destruction.  They double check before moving into the mob of bodies.  Karkat goes over Dirk’s kills, and Dirk goes over Karkat’s kills.

They have two scares.  First, an unharmed zombie comes after Dirk.  Dirk has to double back to decapitate it.  Then, a completely detached head which looked dead catches Karkat off guard.  It snaps its teeth and bites one of Karkat’s steel-toed boots.  Karkat screeches and instinctively kicks it into the middle of the pile.  

The screech riles up the horde and they make every attempt to come at Karkat.  Dirk realizes Karkat needs to get out of the pile, because these zombies are still dangerous.  If enough of them crawl over to Karkat they will drag him down and bite or scratch his more exposed areas.  Dirk starts to worry when Karkat doesn’t move.

Karkat’s eyes are wide and he starts breathing heavily.  Both of them wear mandated protective face shields.  Dirk can’t see anything other than Karkat’s eyes, but he is sure Karkat is panicking.  Dirk wonders if he lost one of his hive friends like that.  Biters can catch you off guard, and if you aren’t properly armored like Karkat is, they can also turn you.

Karkat is breathing so hard his protective goggles fog up a little.  Dirk has speak loudly to be heard over the zombie moans, “Karkat, it’s okay, calm down.”

Dirk’s words cause the remaining undead who weren’t already making their way to Karkat to writhe and moan and nash their teeth hungrily.  Karkat takes a sharp breath and then he doesn’t breathe at all.  Dirk can see Karkat trying, but for some reason Karkat just can’t.

Dirk knows Karkat is having a panic attack.  He runs to Karkat’s side.  Rankings be damned, he needs to get them out of there.  Worse, the newest wave of moaning has gotten the attention of another horde.  He can hear them wailing from the south.  Dirk estimates this new horde is less than a mile away.  If this is an older, more decomposed horde, he and Karkat might have a half an hour to escape.  If they are fast and new, the zombies could be here in less than fifteen minutes.  Either way, Karkat is not in any shape to continue, so he pulls his partner out of the horde and to the tree where Dirk can gather their gear as quickly as possible.

When Dirk is finished he turns to Karkat.  “Can you run?  It’s only about ten minutes to the east gates.”

Karkat is breathing better now and he nods.  He gives Dirk an apologetic look.  Karkat knows what he has cost them.  He straps on the equipment Dirk hands him and then the two of them run like hell for the eastern gates of their compound.

xxxxxx

Dirk peeks around the corner as he eavesdrops from his bedroom.  Karkat is ranting about himself to Dave.  Karkat just keeps going on and on about how much of a fuckup he is, and that is why all of his friends are dead.  Well, except for his human friends.  But hey, now that he has a human partner for the Grub’s March (the common term among trolls for the Children’s March), he is sure his human friends won’t last much longer either.

Dave looks baffled and lets Karkat continue to pace and rant and pace and rant until it all kind of makes Dirk dizzy.

“I swear, I kill friends as fast as I can make them!  I even found a partner I actually like and I almost get us eaten alive!” Karkat practically shouts.  He stops long enough to throw his hands atop his head and yank at his hair and horns until he stomps in a tantrum and manages to trip and fall over himself.  Karkat lies silently in a heap on the floor for a long time.

“Dave?” Karkat finally asks.

“S’up?” Dave asks and leans over the couch, trying not to laugh. Then Dave really looks at Karkat and his grin immediately fades from his lips.

“Why am I such a fuckup?” Karkat asks in sad, almost pathetic sounding voice.

Dirk continues to watch from his doorway.  Karkat is on the floor, completely defeated. “Dude…” Dave tries, but Dave doesn’t know what to say.

Dave may not know how to relate to this, but Dirk understands how Karkat feels.  Despite being top ranked in the Children’s March, Dirk has often felt like one gigantic failure.  He tried to have a relationship with Jake, but that relationship self-destructed.  Dirk is lucky the two of them were able to fix their friendship in the aftermath of a broken relationship.  He also wasn’t able to provide enough protection and stability to Roxy and Jane.  If he had, perhaps he could have convinced them to participate in the Children’s March too.  For every great success, Dirk could count at least two significant failures in his life.  He knows from experience that if a person is to succeed, they must get up after failing and try again.

Dirk decides this is done.  He walks out and stands over Karkat.

Karkat sniffs and looks up at him, then his eyes grow wide.  “No.  No. NO!  You are NOT supposed to be home!  Dave said you weren’t home!”

Karkat’s expression changes from defeated to raging mad in an instant.  He turns his head to Dave and give’s Dirk’s brother a scathing look.

Dave chuckles nervously and shrugs, “Ooops,” he says and then absconds right out of the apartment, because Karkat looks angry enough to actually try taking it out on him with his fists.  Karkat starts to get up and follow him, but Dirk stops him.

Dirk, in all of his emotionally stunted glory, manages to say the one thing Karkat isn’t expecting, but desperately needs to hear.

“You are a good partner.”

Karkat decides to pardon Dave, and the angry tension disappears from his body.  He just stares at Dirk, completely unbelieving.

“You are a good partner,” Dirk reaffirms, “The best partner I’ve had, in fact.”

Dirk hates to admit this, because it feels like betraying Jake, but Jake brained himself on a rock because he was being stupid, and Karkat has done no such thing.  Karkat never consciously put them in danger.  Hell, even Dirk would have freaked out a little bit if a biter tried to take a chunk of his foot, especially if Dirk had lost as many friends to the zombies as Karkat has.

“You are such a shitty liar,” Karkat says flatly.  Dirk can see the tears welling up in Karkat's eyes, and it surprises him.  Karkat’s tears are a light pink.  They are bright and vibrant and not any troll blood color Dirk has seen before.

Karkat realizes Dirk is staring and rubs at his eyes.  He rubs until every trace of his light red tears are gone.  This takes awhile, because Karkat is still tearing up.  He tries his best to swallow down small sobs and fails, so more and more tears replace the ones he wipes away.  Dirk is patient.  Patience is one of his few redeeming qualities.  He just waits until Karkat is done and then he repeats himself again.

“Karkat, you are a good partner, and _we_ are a good team.”

This time Karkat sniffs and nods.  Karkat looks so worn out.  Dirk leads his partner—his friend…perhaps more—over to the couch and starts up the film projector.  It is already loaded with a movie, and Dirk is positive Karkat will like this one.  Of all the god-forsaken movies to have survived the zombie apocalypse, this one might be the worst.  Karkat smiles ever so slightly as some long-assed title for whatever the equivalent of Troll Hitch plays on the wall.

Dirk isn’t sure when he figured out Troll Will Smith was Karkat’s favorite vintage actor, but it makes Dirk feel surprisingly warm and light when he sees Karkat’s contented expression. A few minutes into the movie Karkat nestles into Dirk’s side.  Halfway through, Karkat reaches over and makes a move for Dirk’s hand.  Dirk lets Karkat’s fingers wind around his own and the two of them hold hands all the way until the ending credits.

While the credits are still playing Karkat mumbles something so softly that Dirk almost doesn’t catch it.  Karkat says, “If you fucking tell me that you are not a homosexual I will punch you in your stupid human shame globes.”

“I prefer to not label myself,” Dirk responds with a chuckle, but squeezes Karkat’s hand encouragingly.

“Hmm, okay,” Karkat says.  “I suppose I can deal with that.”

Then Dirk stands to start another ridiculous troll romcom for the two of them.


End file.
